I'll have to back track and play catch up a bit later, this is a big week for our family and I know the blog is an easy way to keep everyone in the loop. We will be at pre-op nearly all day Wednesday, and then Samuel's heart surgery is on Thursday morning. (Yes, it was originally scheduled for two days earlier, but an emergency in peds cardio surgery (not us!) meant everyone had to shuffle a bit. Sitting on pins and needles for another two days isn't fun, but it beats being the emergency - we've been there, and that's definitely the worst.)
I talked a bit about this heart surgery in this post, but to be honest it was a long post and I kind of buried it. Looking back, I'm wondering if I buried it intentionally. I was, and still am, having a really hard time with this surgery. I cried a lot that day, and I've cried a lot since... I also think I might be a bit angry. I don't know if that's the right word. Not angry at anyone, this isn't anyone's fault, but I just hate this and I'm so frustrated that this has to be so difficult. I know that sounds silly, but this was supposed to be easy as far as heart surgeries go. I know that he'll be fine, I just absolutely hate that he has to go through this. He's been through so much, why can't this surgery be easier.
Without rewriting the post I linked to above, this was supposed to be something we could fix in a cath lab. George had the same hole fixed when he was a year old, and it was a very long procedure but it was not invasive and we were home in no time with no formal rehab. At our last appointment we knew we'd be scheduling surgery (it's time), but it turns out the hole is too big to be fixed in a cath lab. Basically, they can't place a coil to fill the hole like they did with George, so they'll have to manually patch the heart... which means they have to stop it and put him on bypass... which means they have to open up his chest. Even typing it makes me feel like I have a 1,000 pound weight on my heart.
Like I said, I know he'll be fine... I don't know why this one is hitting me so hard, maybe because I saw DB go through open heart last summer and I know what we're in for, maybe it's a normal parent response, and maybe I am just actually losing it a little bit ;) Thank you for your kind words and prayers, I can't wait to blog about how fabulous Samuel is doing!