Back in the Day

Yesterday Samuel got a follow-up MRI to check on his hydrocephalus (the main ventricles in his brain have some swelling, but as of almost a year ago when the last MRI was done they were not severe enough to shunt ). This was a very routine test, and not invasive at all - yea! The biggest worry was that Samuel's pulmonary status might take a hit due to needing general anesthesia in order to get the MRI - but so far, so good. Following advice from our pulmonologist, we took some precautions including extra vent time before and after the procedure, and all seems to be working well. We will have results from the MRI soon... he is doing really well, so we're not terribly worried, but hearing the report will put the moments of doubt at bay :) Can't wait!

What took me back, to a time not that long ago, was watching my baby slip into a laughing gas induced sleep. I can't explain it, and maybe it's like this for parents of "normal" babies too, but when his eyes closed and his body went limp something in me broke. I was back to last July, watching him be sedated, and not knowing if I would ever see Samuel open his eyes again. I know it sounds crazy that a simple anesthesia could do that, but I was completely overwhelmed. I'm pretty sure the team thought it was a little strange that I couldn't stop whispering to him how much I loved him and that it took everything in me to let go of his hand so they could take him for the test, but they didn't let on :) It was all I could do not to burst into tears until I got to the waiting area restroom. I'm fairly certain the MRI waiting room is not used to cryers... so after a good, hidden, cry in the restroom, and when they came out and said he's waking up and I could come back, I was good to go :)

I would rather never remember last July, but it's a part of our story, and who we are, and who we are meant to be. I wasn't expecting the flashbacks, but there's always a silver lining, this time being a little reminder not to take any day for granted, and to continue to support and pray for other families that are currently going through what we did. One in eight babies is born premature in the US. Not everyone goes through what Samuel has, but I'm guessing even one day in the NICU is terrifying enough.

A funny story about the day... when we were checking in I assured the woman that Samuel didn't need any anesthesia, that we had talked about it and he would just sit still on his own. We both laughed and she said, if that were the case, he would be a miracle child. My smile got even bigger as I said, he already is!

I guess flashbacks make today even sweeter :)

Olivia got caught reading in her room :)

Usually when it's too quite I worry - ha ha!

Samuel is fairly convinced that he's not going to put food in his mouth... but we try anyway. I'm pretty sure he's laughing at our efforts, but we'll assume he's just happy :)

We are still working on mastering the spoon, but I have to say, pre-mastery days make for great pictures!